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The Satirical Misadventures Of Smalltown, USA
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Residents In Total Pandemonium After Windy Day Mixes Up Everyone’s Trash Like Tickets In A Top Hat
Residents were up in arms Thursday morning as a windy day mixed up all their trash after flipping garbage cans over like they were Dixie cups, swirling neighbors’ trash together like they were pieces of paper thrown in a top hat.
Band Teacher Directing 'Hot Cross Buns' Like 70’s Rock Concert
Band teacher of community music group “Town Tunes”, Jetta Notes, was seen directing Hot Cross Buns at an annual town brunch gig like a stadium rock concert.
"Holy Smokes! Who Thought Of This!?" Bar's Masters Menu With Golf Ball Atop Food Called "Pure Genius"
BUCKETS — Just in time for Masters week, Buckets unveiled a new menu catering to golfers in what patrons are praising as "pure genius" and "the work of a bright spark."
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"Holy Smokes! Who Thought Of This!?" Bar's Masters Menu With Golf Ball Atop Food Called "Pure Genius"
BUCKETS — Just in time for Masters week, Buckets unveiled a new menu catering to golfers in what patrons are praising as "pure genius" and "the work of a bright spark."
Dive Bar That Keeps Christmas Lights Up All Year Goes Extra Mile To Distinguish Holiday Season By Adding Single Garland Over Doorway
BUCKETS — Local dive bar, Buckets, officially ushered in the holiday season when manager and long-time bar keep, Fendi Lawson, stepped up and added a single strand of tree garland like a scruffy mustache over the entrance doorway to the bar.
Happening Now: Band Playing To Empty Dive Bar Completely Fine With It
BUCKETS — Local band, Gymnasium Stars, seems completely fine with playing to an empty bar and in fact, have remained upbeat despite the complete lack of a single person in the bar.
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FLIGHT DELAY: Pilot Could've Sworn Keys In Jacket Pocket
LANDSDOWN AIRPORT — Met with immediate grumbles and groans from passengers, a flight to Denver, Colorado, was delayed this morning after pilot Jack “Eagle” Lewis misplaced the keys to his Airbus A350 before departure. “I could’ve sworn they were in my jacket pocket,” said Capt. Lewis, before instructing passengers to look around their seats, especially between cushions, under arm rests, and in the magazine pockets to see if the plane’s keys could be there. The pilot went on
Pilot Flying Around With Iced Coffee On Roof Wondering Why Everyone Waving At Him
LANDSDOWN AIRPORT — Pilot, Russell Hutchins, was seen flying around the sky with a large artisanal iced coffee on the roof of his plane, after reportedly placing it there when climbing into the aircraft, and quickly forgetting about it. “We flew by 4-5 times, waving at him after seeing the iced coffee, but he just waved back like he was in a parade,” said passenger jet pilot Christie Williams as she looped back to flash her high beams at him. Russell reportedly took off from
Storm Chasers Seen Following Single Cumulus Cloud Puff Around Town
AROUND TOWN — Local storm chasing team, The Cloud Hoppers, trailed a single cumulus cloud puff across town in a low-speed chase that ended at Buckets Dive Bar. “Out of the way! It’s moving, it’s moving!” shouted lead storm chaser Jack Cyrus, as he dropped his coffee in Main Street Cafe and ran outside, jumping into his storm van to chase after the cloud. “What a rush!” said Cyrus as his van raced up to 6-7 mph to chase the cloud. “I didn’t even have time to stop and have a
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Manager Of Daiquiri Bar Actually Just Cockatoo In Hawaiian Shirt
DAIQUIRI LAND — A tourist at Daiquiri Land, a tropical drink bar, was miffed to find out the owner of the place was actually just a cockatoo in a tropical-themed shirt that was sitting by the entrance. “It’s absolute chaos in here,” said the tourist as he waited for a host to seat him, “daiquiris are all over the floors, spider monkeys are ziplining across the ceiling, there’s just no rhyme or reason to anything that goes on in here.” The tourist was even more miffed when hi
“Place Is A Tourist Trap!” Warns Mysterious Man In Corner Of Cafe
TOURIST INFO CAFE — A man sitting in a dimly lit corner of the tourist information cafe, tried his doggone best to warn Jay and Daisy...
Panama Hat Instantly Materializes On Tourist's Head At Florida Airport
FLORIDA — In what appeared to be a Floridian phenomenon, a signature vacation-style Panama hat materialized on tourist Sheila Pipton's...
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Detectives Credit Solving Crime With Oversized Magnifying Glass Just Like Sherlock Holmes
BAD PART OF TOWN — In the bad part of town, between 4th and 4.5th street, detectives credit cracking the case and catching criminal Ben Peters in broad daylight with a giant magnifying glass.
Golfer Driving Cart Zones Out, Ends Up On Freeway
DUNKIN COUNTRY CLUB — Golfer Marsha Bobobins was seen cruising down Interstate 173 in a golf cart earlier this afternoon after she zoned out and missed her turn for Hole 2 at Dunkin Country Club. Marsha brazenly held up traffic in the fast lane, saying, “Where the hell am I?” as she puttered a meager 5 mph down the freeway, as cars zipped around her in every direction. “Go around! Go around!” yelled Marsha as anxious drivers blasted their horns behind her while she attempted
“Woah, Woah, Woahh!!” Man Slips And Slides Around On Slick Floor For Entire Length Of Floor Mop Like He Wearing Tap Shoes
KITCHEN - Gerry McDue slipped and slid around for the entire duration of his floor mop early Saturday morning like a tap dancing penguin.
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