9 People Taken Down At Holiday Fair By Giant Ball Of Yarn After It Falls Off Vendor’s Table, Rolls Across Basement

ANNUAL HOLIDAY CRAFT FAIR - Early Thursday morning, a giant ball of yarn the size of 10,000 baseballs took out nine holiday shoppers, which was 97% of attendees, at the annual holiday craft fair after it bounced off a vendor’s table like a boulder rolling down a cliffside.

“Who can I sue?” said craft fair attendee, Dan Winchester, who escaped the yarn ball’s path by climbing up into the basement rafters. “The shoppers’ screams will haunt me until at least 3 p.m. today,” continued Dan as he pulled fellow shoppers who weren’t so agile from underneath piles of yarn and debris.

“Once it hit the floor and gained momentum, it was every shopper for themselves,” said Wilda Benton, who was hit by the yarn ball as she attempted to climb into a gift bag for refuge. 

“This was just pure negligence,” continued Dan, “the vendor was knitting mittens the size of clown hands for chrissakes. Who needs mittens that big?” continued Dan as he surveyed the damage from the yarn ball which included a crushed vanilla wafer cookie table, a trail of flattened gift boxes and a hole in the side of the building where the yarn ball crashed through the concrete wall.

National craft fair expert, Eleanor Blanche, weighed in saying proper precautions should have been taken to keep the yarn ball secured.

“The crafter should have used weights to tie down the yarn ball in place, which would have prevented this whole fiasco. Any seasoned crafter knows that and I’m willing to bet the vendor doesn’t even have the right permits to knit in public.”

Chet Puppins, the owner of the yarn ball, promptly switched craft tables to a hot cocoa table saying “whoa what the hell happened!” while handing hot drinks to the victims of the yarn ball incident saying “wow I can’t believe that happened…anyone want to buy some mittens?”