HARODS — Local shopper and businessman, Parker Bee, was up in arms yesterday after the department store Harods, mercilessly unrolled a holiday special marketing the "sophisticated" sweater he purchased from the store last month as “the perfect sweater for your holiday ugly sweater party!”.

LANDSDOWN AIRPORT — Met with immediate grumbles and groans from passengers, a flight to Denver, Colorado was delayed this morning after pilot Jack “Eagle” Lewis misplaced the keys to his Airbus A350 before departure. “I could’ve sworn they were in my jacket pocket,” said Capt. Lewis before instructing passengers to look around their seats, especially between cushions, under arm rests, and in the magazine pockets to see if the plane’s keys could be there.  The pilot went on to

BAD PART OF TOWN — In the bad part of town, between 4th and 4.5th street, detectives credit cracking the case and catching criminal Ben Peters in broad daylight with a giant magnifying glass.