HARODS — Local shopper and businessman, Parker Bee, was up in arms yesterday after the department store Harods, mercilessly unrolled a holiday special marketing the "sophisticated" sweater he purchased from the store last month as “the perfect sweater for your holiday ugly sweater party!”.

FLOURCUP'S BAKE SALE — The local town economy reportedly skyrocketed after a single bake sale on Monday afternoon. “The town easily raked in a solid $5 mil, maybe more,” said banker Willmington Fairbanks after looking at the size of a muffin that was sold, and guessed that alone probably went for $200K. “This single bake sale should cement the town’s financial future for the next few decades or so,” said Willmington as he wildly overestimated the earnings of the sale of the