“Hey Nice Pants!” Football Fan’s Cringey Attempt At Heckling Gets Him Put In Brig At Game

CRUMB FIELD — Local fan, Ted Cappadew, was seen down at Crumb Field Friday night creating “one hell of a cringey spectacle” before he was placed in a quickly-constructed brig to contain his sideline comments.

“Intercepted!.. Just like a postcard!” continued Ted as he frantically pulled out a notebook from his pocket, searching for another cheesy comeback. “Aha!” said Ted as he quickly rummaged to the end of his notebook, where he had “you throw like a quarterback who just woke up from a nap!” scribbled down. 

Fellow spectators attempted to shoo Ted away from the sidelines, saying his quips were "making us look bad," and were quick to let the opposing team know that Ted's heckles "don't reflect the whole fanbase."

“Hope you have a professional dry cleaner, because you’re about to be covered in grass!” yelled Ted as he gave a nod to fellow fans around him who tried their best to distance themselves from Ted.

“Enough! I've had it!” yelled spectator Pete Philips as he brazenly took control of the scene and set up a perimeter around Ted using caution tape and cones, making it clear to everyone at the game that Ted was a single-man team. “I speak for the rest of the sidelines when I say Ted needs to be corralled and locked in a box of his own doing until he comes up with something cooler to shout.”

Ted defended his words from within his confines, where he paced around like a rooster in a pen, saying he “likes to be original” and “spent a lot of time thinking of these, and everyone is just jealous!"

During the third quarter, the referee briefly paused the game to ask Ted for clarification on whom some of his remarks were addressed to.

“It was confusing, you know. Should he heckle me, I’d sure like to know about it,” said referee Jimsy Stripenheimer. “At one point, I heard him yell ‘hey stripes!' but there was also a woman wearing a striped shirt, so it was wildly unclear who he was targeting," continued Jimsy as he self-consciously ripped off his shirt just to be 100% certain it wasn't him.

With 30 seconds left in the 4th quarter, Ted booked it through the caution tape like he was finishing a 26-mile marathon saying “Better scram while I can in case someone comes after me!” when in fact literally no one was seen chasing him with most of the players saying “the comments actually made me want to get pummeled by the opposing team.”