Breaking: Mail Truck Followed By Roughly 1,000,000 Dogs Daily

OFFICIAL TOWN CENTER OF MAIL STUDIES — A new report released by the town's Official Center Of Mail Studies (the OCMS) revealed a shocking stat Tuesday that estimates local mail trucks are followed by approximately 1,000,000 dogs in a single afternoon.

"I'm not shocked by the stats," said local mail delivery driver Lily Petes as she threw a stack of mail out of her window to keep a beagle at bay, "the town should take action, what that looks like I have no idea but by 3:00 p.m. every afternoon I'm completely surrounded by K9s," continued Lily as a chihuahua bit off a truck tire like it was a chew toy.

When pressed for comment, the head of the OCMS, Nate Weatherbee, said "the stats seem jarring but they don't seem out of the ordinary, dogs love mail!"

Lily's delivery route was eventually overrun by 100,000 retrievers before Weatherbee suggested to "just dump the mail in one big pile and let the dogs have it! Problem solved!"