"Psht Who Needs Gutter Guards?" Says Bowler Who Immediately Rolls Ball Across 50 Lanes Into Ceiling

COSMICS BOWLING ALLEY — Late Friday evening, Gordon Flip, showed up to the bowling alley like a professional athlete immediately saying he did not need the gutter guards that were placed up at a friendly birthday gathering he was attending.

“Who needs these things?” said Gordon as he knocked the gutter guards down while putting on a pair of leather gloves for the amateur game of bowling.

“We were trying to take it easy and opted to have the guards up, we’re just here to have a good time,” said friend Miranda Day as Gordon heckled another group adjacent to them who had gutter guards in place saying “What are you guys a buncha babies? What’s with the training wheels?”

Gordon flexed and lunged as he wound up and rolled his ball straight over the gutter, where it crossed 50 other lanes before ricocheting like a cannon ball up into the ceiling.

Manager Daysie Dandy was forced to shut down the bowling alley calling Gordon's display "an ego grab" that left the bowling alley scrambling to stay open.

“Gordon's ball left a hole in the structure half the size of his ego. Had the gutter guards been up, the bowling alley may just as well still be standing,” said manager Daysie Dandy as she surveyed the damage Gordon’s ball caused to the building.

Gordon called the catastrophe “something that happens to every bowler every once in a while,” and “not a big deal” saying no gutter guards could’ve prevented what was the fault of an overwaxed ball.